Aislings now think they know the difference between right and wrong, evil and pure, good and bad, the righteous and the faithless, night and day. However, there are no differences. Everything is a shade of grey, which borrows into the heart of the young, the blind. This is what I now know. My bones are old and I have given into the age that governs all living beings, the cruel fate that becomes us all. All that is left is to tell my story, to tell my tale about the true heroes of this land I love as Temuair. The tale of a true monster...
It was a rainy day. Days like this I closed my eyes, hoping something, anything in my life would bestow the joy back in my soul, into my heart. My name is Paola, you know, the girl of destiny in the storybooks. *Laughs* They were just story books, nothing important about them, just folk stories; however folk stories were all that gave people excitement in this off-set town. My only friend in all of the land was a small yet charming fairy name Todo. Todo always made me laugh. He told me, on days like these, where the rain came from. Every time it rained he told a different story of where it came from. I always wondered which was the true story… perhaps none of them, perhaps all of them. Although, sometimes he would continue, "And that place, you know I told you about, the place the rain comes from. That is the place the wind comes as well. Wind is the keystone of all the elements, yet, there is no controlling the wind," he would say, "not even the greatest wizards in the land could tam a robust wind." Once more this bored me, but I was young and naïve; I did not listen to the wisdom from this ancient fairy, not even the warnings he would say.
When it rained I sat under a giant tree crossed legged, patient, and pessimistic. Todo told of how my eyes glimmered in the rain under that oak tree. Raindrops fell from the cups that the leafs made. They would fill up with water, covering my head from the slightest drop of rain, and would fill up to the point it could do its job no more and finally gave out, soaking all that was under it, (which, at the time, was I). Todo was always nice and caring, and it seems like he went everywhere. He was never without a story, always preaching about the gods, history, people, he loved everything. "What do I love?" I would ask myself sometimes. However, I failed to achieve an answer every time. I guess I just didn't know what love was. My true parents died in an ancient war long ago, which I did not even know of. It seems like they died before I was born. Bad things always seem to furnish me. Soumi was the only home I knew, the only home I liked. Herid, the Mundane that looked after me let me grew into what I wanted, into what nature wanted. He followed Cail, and believed in balance. He was kind, but I did not love him, respected perhaps, but not love.
Herid's real daughter, Mythan was endearing. She was much younger than I, and I suppose more innocent. She always saw a light that I never did and I always was envious of her for that. I never trusted people that were optimistic. They never saw anything correctly. Actually, one night, when I was sleeping in my room, I heard a faint cry. The kind that seems to look into your soul, and want to make you cry as well. You could tell that Mythan was trying to hold it back but could not. I looked over and stared into her eyes. I always was intrigued with ones eyes. Her eyes reflect the candle light so clearly because of the tears, which weep from them. I asked, what was wrong and she replied, "Do you believe in monsters?" It was an interesting question, I never thought of it. What is a monster? A creature of the night? "I was dreaming of one." She added. I pondered for a long time, a long time to me anyway. I decided not to show vulnerability, and replied. "You don't believe in monsters do you *laughs*, grow up." Then I turned, pulled my covers over my body, and scuffled. I paid no more attention to her, but I did hear a small cry, and a small explanation I think, that Mythan was telling, not to me, but to herself? She whispered, "No, I do not believe in monsters, Not I." in a tear that crushed my heart. "Not I..."
The next day was crisp. Todo alleged he could taste the sense of blood in the air. The cold crisp day was followed, by a crisp night. This night was special though; this was the night I understood of evil. I spoke the word before, but never knew the true meaning. No one told me what the meaning was, but rather I spawned it. (That is the word one would have to call it.) I was walking near the edge of the river in Soumi. I saw a Manti on the edge of the rock. He did not move when I stared at it, but rather stared back. I felt it was mocking me… that it was seeking through my eyes at my being and finding.….. I did not like it. I felt a rage, a kind of sensation that overwhelmed me. It was… Evil… I craved madness at this beast that I wanted to kill. I stared back into its blacken eyes, and ascended my arms through instinct. A sharp blast of wind rushed out and overpowered the mantis instantly. Before it died, it looked into my eyes, and I saw a kind of look that I never saw in another's eyes before. I did not understand it at this time, all I felt was the words... "Not I... Not I." I did not feel anything afterwards, no emptiness of this dead beast, no remorse. This is when I found the true meaning of Evil. I was evil, and on that day I learned another concept. That I enjoyed it...
After that day on the side of the river, I did not want be a Soumarian like the rest of these Mundanes. I thrived for more, I thrived for a new being. Todo once told me, of a wizard in Soumi, I was too young to remember, but I was told he took an interest in me. He was fascinated at my compulsion to stare into ones eyes'. His name was Hadrian. He was the town wizard, and a great one at that. He was delighted to help young ones, and I was soon under his mentorship.
I prepared for a long time, supplies, tactics, information, spells; I gathered all of this. One could not keep track of time in the training, although a lot of it pasted. Near the end of my tutorship, only one quest was left for me, the quest to find my destiny. I learned all I could, I wanted to set forth, to leave this home of mine, and I did. Herid knew he could not stop me, and he never tried. I could sense he was saddened, but he understood. I wanted to be a wizard, and nothing would stop me. Herid, however, did give me a dress. It was a wizard dress; I did not even know he had one. The beautiful thing glimmered in the night. He called it a "Clymouth". I was so honoured. He had tears in his eyes as he said good-bye. Mythan, however in her innocents could not let go. She was so pure, so giving. To my surprise, at the gates of Soumi, I heard her chant something. In that whisper tone, like the night of her nightmare. I never knew what it was, a blessing perhaps? I thanked her, took Todo, who offered to come with me, and we were off.
Todo and I always talked, but as I walk from the town it was dead silent. I'm not too sure why. I did not tell him the felling I was really seeking. I wanted to find that feeling I felt as the Manti died. I think Todo knew this even though I did not tell him. We still loved each other though, and nothing could come between us. He was the real reason I decided to be a wizardress, to be gifted in the art of magic. Todo helped me greatly choose our destination, which was good, seeing as I did not know where to go. He told me of Kiril, a wise dark wizard I've never heard of. Although this was the first step in seeking my destiny.
One day though, as I walk, we stumbled over a man near a tree. His name was Tague (or so it said on his sword), and I could smell the brandy off him. He was lying under that tree and his boots were off. He was the only person we saw in moons, and I decided to engage in a conversation, perhaps he could enlighten us with fresh news, or perhaps some new stories, not that Todo didn't have enough. As I approached I noticed he was sleeping. I shook him, and he awoke. He did not look at me but rather gazed at Todo. He said, as if it was the end of the world, "Your not a monster, are you?" I realized many young warriors must not see many friendly fairies. I've once heard of tales were warriors killed them for sport, how barbaric. Todo replied in a snarl, "Not I, confused one, Not I." I sensed Todo was offended. But Tague must have had a bit too much to drink as he fell asleep before we turned. We continued our journey, and I thought of the question he asked Todo. I bet he did not even know the meaning of 'monster', but still I was intrigued.
As I paddled through the water on the huge ocean, or lake, (I did not know what) I saw the other end. Todo was asleep, but he woke quickly as if he felt something. For some reason I felt something as well, it was something powerful. The mist was covering my sight. But I felt the impact of the boat as it hit the rocks. The shore we looked so forward to was not as comforting as I suspected, personally I hated boats. There was no use of staying in the boat so I got up and looked around. Everything was so dark, but there was a light coming from the edges of the dark, and all I knew was it approached quickly! I covered my head and bent down behind a rock, Todo was right with me. The figure emerged from the shadows wearing a dark green cloak. He looked right in the direction of the rocks I was behind and spoke the words. "Hello, Lemeile." The winds seem to stop for his words, and continued right after. I was confused, I did not know a Lemeile, but it sounded familiar... Was it from a storybook? "Come out of the cold and follow me." He then started to walk and soon he was out of sight. "I'm pretty sure we should follow him." Stated Todo, out of hunger I was sure. Although I pondered, he could not be evil, he seen us obviously and did not hurt us. We went into the direction that the green cloaked man went. We arrived at a dark house very shortly. It was, overgrown in brush and hardly noticeable. We walked up to the door, knocked... and the door opened. No one was there but the door did open. Perhaps it was the wind? We walked in and it was cozy. The hooded man walked in, but his hood was off. He had a unique face. His features were distinguished, bold but subtle. He carried a plate of food, and offered it to us. The food was quite tasteful, even though the appearance of it wasn't so pleasant. He introduced himself. "My name is Kiril, and I know why you are here." He said this in a forceful tone, but under it I heard a low tone of horror. Was he scared of me?
Kiril was a great teacher, he taught me very well. Told me that my connection was with the wind, and that hidden powers were bestowed in my soul. Todo loved him as well, so kind hearted for a wizard, but for some reason, always kept his distance. Anyway, he taught me in many ways, chants, herbalist, and necromancy. He taught me of the land, of the dangers and of the pleasures of nature. I spent many Danaans there. (At the time this was before the first spark of an Aisling came.) Time had no meaning when I was with him. I did find it a bit odd, through all our time together we never met with any other people. Anyway, his teachings of Gnosis, and the old tongue inspired me. At the end of my time there, he told me there was nothing more to teach. I have been there so long I forgot about the outside world. However I did not want to leave, I wanted to stay and was mad at him for telling me to leave. I guess I knew how Hadrian felt when I left. But then he told me, "Remember why you came here!" I pondered for a bit; the evil feeling I was seeking was why I went to search the world. Kiril always said, all wizards are dark, and that everyone was inherently evil. I was still so confused, but I followed my master. As I left he told me I was powerful, and to be careful. He then gave me his staff. I hesitated, but he told me it was rude to not accept a gift gracefully. I took the staff and was on my way. I did not know where I was going, but all I knew was, that I must heed to the call of blood.
The staff my mentor gave me was intense. It was the tint of brown and held a gem in the centre. The gem looked as if it was suspended in air, but held with full force. The time I left, Todo was getting old. He just told me; the older you are the wiser. Wiser? I am getting older, and I never though about it, although I never felt wiser. Enlightened, powerful, but never wisdom. As we traveled I killed many creatures and beasts, no monsters though. I was in search of that feeling, but I could never find it. All it became was senseless death over senseless death, until one night...
The air that night was very dead. Not that you could see the night. We were under the ground so far that the gods could not even see the air there. Todo and I were seeking of a monster that dwelled in these parts. The monster was rumoured to be the evilest in all the land. I walked farther not knowing that this would be the night I would lose my heart. We walked and out of the corner came a claw so fast I did not see it, sadly Todo did. Before I knew it he ran into the blast of the claw, crashing the fairy flesh on his face. He was thrown into the cold stonewall. I turn back at the monster, it was a Dragon! I was enthusiastic with excitement and rage. My eyes filled with entertainment as I through myself in front of the creature. I did not know it at the time, but Todo, in his dying breaths, was staring not at the creature, but rather into my eyes for the whole battle. It was a challenging beast, but as I fought the training that my master taught me seemed to disappear from my brain. It seemed that I ran only on instinct once more. As I stood in front of him, the beast seems almost bewildered. I chanted, "bineadh air a'mhionaid samhanach" in the old language, and as soon as the monster tried to take the final blow to kill me, it turned to stone. I assume it still is stone at the bottom of that dark crypt under the ground. The pain I saw in the monsters eyes enjoyed me. I turned to Todo, to find him not by my side, rather on the ground where he was hit, and from him came a pool of red blood, that seem like too much for his little body to hold. I ran up to him, and I stared. He seemed to stare right back into my eyes, but the life was drained out of him. Todo was dead. Grieve over took me, as I became enraged. I turned and chipped a piece from the stone figure. However it was not his fault... it was mine, I killed Todo, I killed him... I shaded a tear for Todo and at that moment I lost my heart. I lost all that was defined the word 'I'. I left him in that ditch of a crypt, and ran out as fast as I could.
There was nothing left to live for, my only love was dead at the hands of a mad woman, at the hands of me. I did not want to seek this feeling I dwelled for, I did not want to feel anything any more. I did hear stories of a dreaded place, which even the strong die in. It was called Kasminium Mines. I ran to the entrance of the cave. But I did not go there to fight, or to seek that feeling I dwelled for, rather I came there to meet Sgrios... to end it all. The air stayed still for me as it did for Kiril as he spoke. The entrance of the cave was as dreaded as the cold stone rocks that surrounded it. It seemed to scream the voices of the dead, "Keep away, Keep away." But I paid no attention. There is no dealing with an irrational wizardress. I entered, and followed my heart. I walked for hours, for days. Encouraged by nothing but my will to die. Blackness seemed to take over, until I meet a crystal clear pond. Light somehow beamed and hit the reflections of the water, which shone off in absurd rays. There was another creature drinking at the pond as well... it looked like the beast in the crypt, but different. I believe the Mundanes named this beast a Draco. He was less powerful than the dragon, however more cunning in a subtle way. This beast would be my ticket to death. In all my ignorance I attack the creature. The creature felt pain like it never did, but instead of fighting, he tried to flee. He tried to run with his heart, with his innocents. He was a young one, and reminded me of Mythan, such innocents. She was now a priestess of Glioca, but even she could not cure the scar I held on to from Todo's death. "This beast would not escape, this beast must kill me," I thought out-loud. The creature realized that there was no escape, and finally he turned to fight. We engaged in battle for hours, but in the battle I was once again overwhelmed with evil and it overtook me with instinct. At the end, I was covered with blood, so was the monster. I made the last chant of a strioch spell, and the creature had fallen, just as Todo had. I fell to my knees as well, but I had won. I looked up into the monsters eyes' to find it shedding tears. It spoke to my heart, in the old tongue, "Cò bi an ceart samhanach seo?" It said, 'Who be the true monster here?' I looked into my blood stained dress that Herid, my loving parent, no... father, the only father I knew, gave to me. It was so stained in blood, both mine and the creatures that I could not tell you the beautiful colours it really was. I thought of my home, Todo, my sister, my mentor... that day I felt evil for the first time, I looked at the laughing nature I had inside of me, the insane nature. I then looked back into the Dracos' eyes, and as if he was answering the question he asked, "Gun mi," he cried, "Not I" as he spoke softly... "Not I..."
Aislings now think they know the difference between right and wrong, evil and pure, good and bad, the righteous and the faithless, day and night. But during my life, I found there is no difference. People see what they want to see, just as I had. I did walk out of that cave that I entered to die. But I did die. My heart, soul and anam died as that creature died. No one ever saw me again; I went into hiding studying the arts. And finally I am here, writing this tale... this tale of the truth, in hope that others may learn what it took me a lifetime to learn. Evil is another form of love gone lonely. That is all it ever gave me, loneliness. Even thought I did get that feeling I sough as I killed that Draco, it did not fill me as it did last time. This time I guess I understood it, not like when I was so young.
Now it is time to sleep, my mentor is probably sitting in his chair he loved so much, my father is talking to trade the fresh crop of cherries he grew this Deoch, my sister is a priestess now healing the scars of her friends, the scars that people like me created, and my friend, Todo lies dead... cold... lifeless in that dark crypt. Even though he is dead, I can still hear the chanting from the bottom of the crypt. He is singing, singing for all... singing for me...
Finally I... I am now old, and will died in this tome I hide in, just as the Draco had. Just as the beast had told me on that day so long ago, the feelings, the quest, the journey I was on was all so fruitless, and as I slaughtered him. I realized, he was not the monster, which I called him... I was the monster...... I was the true monster......